So many times after leaving an oral argument, or really any encounter with another person, I walk away thinking, “Oof! I wish I had made myself clearer. Gosh, I hope that came across the way I intended.” It comes with the territory, I’ve learned. You are going to say things that are possibly going to be taken the wrong way.
That comes from putting yourself out there. There’s an easy way to avoid that concern — by not putting yourself out there at all. But that then leads to other misunderstandings. “Do you know that old hermit down the road? Something’s wrong with him.”
Communication (or lack thereof) puts us at risk. We have misunderstandings. We have misinterpretations. Yet as lawyers, we are trained to take words, and extrapolate what’s in the human soul. This probably puts me more at odds with my profession than any other thing: words reflect a lot of things. Sometimes sloppy speaking reflects sloppiness. Sometimes sloppy speaking reflects tiredness.
As I’m writing this, I’m watching two men fight over a door: the one guy wants to keep the tavern that I’m in cool. The other guy wants to move tables that are outside inside. The guy who wants the tables inside keeps propping the door open. The other guy keeps wondering why every time he turns his back, the door is open. Finally, a confrontation, resolution, and peace.
With our profession, those opportunities for resolution are not always there. With that comes the assumptions of what really is in the person’s heart, sometimes for the worse.
The opportunity for extending grace comes at a cost. Your testimony is locked in. Is that the truth? Or was there more to it?
For the moments that I have wanted to take back, I lift a glass to you. For those I have offended when my heart has been pure, I owe you a drink.
Ted Kittila, Attorney at Law 